Why do we hurt the ones we love?


Why do we hurt the ones we love? You love each other but can’t communicate without arguing and fighting. Each one of you in its corner, thinking of how to protect yourself against a new attack. And despite that you love each other. How is this possible? Why do we hurt people we love?

How come we cannot express our love without fear? Why we are full of good intentions but when it comes to reality, we find ourselves again shouting and blaming the other person.

How we stop this infernal behavior?

First let me explain why this happens in the first place. Everyone needs energy. Everyone needs energy to live and to survive. Energy can come in many ways: love, attention, interest, food, friendship, money, approval, recognition

We all need this to feel good, to build ourselves and to find our place in society.

But when we think this energy must come from other human beings we get caught up in struggle. Because human energy is limited. We must fight for it. Human energy does not last. There isn’t enough of it. So, we have to be the quickest, the smartest, and the most beautiful, to attract the attention from other to pull their energy.

When this doesn’t work, we try other strategy. We pull attention by using negative behavior. Every child learns this very quickly in their early life: when he is playing quietly on the floor with his toys, mom goes to cooking or talking with daddy. But as soon as the kid hurts his little sister, moms’ hurries to give attention to him. She may be angry or worried, but all this is attention for the child. He learns quickly which behavior gives him the greatest amount of attention and energy. When his parents look at him angrily, he feels fantastic, because still still energy coming his way. When they shout at him, they give him energy. Negative energy, but it is better than no energy.

When we grow up, and beginning dating someone, we discover a remarkably interesting phenomenon about ourselves.

We receive a lot of energy (attention, interest, time, love etc.) when we are in love. The other person gives us freely and abundantly a whole bunch of energy. We do not even have to ask for it, we don’t need to apply any strategy to pick this energy, it’s all for free! We let go of our mechanism to pull the energy of others towards us. We loosen up. We fall in love. We almost literally fly. We are high! Everything seems to have more color, is more vivid, we feel lighter, life seems easy, everything goes by itself, we have the feeling we love everybody and everything, even our grouchy boss! Nothing can hurt us; we feel safe and boosted with energy. But this is his or her energy!

We are flying on someone else energy, and human energy is limited! And that is exactly the problem! This stream of free energy begins to slow down, because the other one goes back to his business and activities he had before. Why? The body is not able to handle this amount of adrenaline for a long period of time, they say but the real reason is we need to learn to pull our energy from somewhere else, not from a human being but from the source of energy itself.

Our lover gives us less free energy than before.

We were used to this energy-flow and now we have to do it again by ourselves! Free energy is so much easier! We don’t have to do any effort to get it! And now we are getting less of this free energy, we don’t want to let this happen. At this moment, our old childhood-system of capturing energy is triggered because of the scarcity of energy and the old mechanism to capture energy from others starts running in our head and in our behavior. The mechanism that worked when we were a child to get the energy of our parents, will be triggered by the lack of energy now.

We do what a child do to get energy flowing his way.

We can do this by playing the victim or we get attention by being aggressive, shouting and trying to dominate the other one. A third mechanism is harassing the other one by asking too many questions and controlling him. A fourth system is playing silence, refusing contact, not to speak and not to react, so the other one will do whatever he can to get in contact with you again and this will give you his energy.

These systems will of course make the energy of the other one flowing your way. But what next? The other one is now low on energy and wants to get his energy back. So now his mechanism is triggered by his lack of energy. He will now use the system that assured him the energy of his parents when he was little, to get his energy back from you. He will either shout at you, either playing the poor one that didn’t deserve your treatment, either torture you with a bunch of questions, or refuse contact.

This explains why we hurt the ones we love.

First reason is we want their energy, energy they gave once for free. We hurt our loved one most because they gave us love and energy and attention for free in the beginning and now, we must do it on our own and we are angry and want to get back to them. We think we are entitled to have their energy still for free and start our mechanism to get it. Second reason we hurt them most is because of convenience: they are always around, their energy is available so when we are low on energy, we try to rip their energy off, and hurt them by doing that.

Stealing energy from another human being is hurting that person.

What can we do about this? We should only be in contact with other people when we are sure to be already filled up with energy, so we won’t steal theirs. When we are full of energy, and conscious of what happens between people, we can give the other one energy instead of ripping him off. We should not meet each other when we are low on energy. It’s the responsibility of each and every person to generate energy by himself and not to depend on other people.

How to do that? By connecting to the energy that is always available. That is the energy of the Universe. The easiest way to connect to this energy is contemplate the beauty of a flower. You also can contemplate the beauty of an object or a person. Listen to  music, take a walk, meditate, pray, dance, paint, read positive texts, work on your mission on earth, love your cat or dog, anything that gives you good energy.

Make a list of every activity and behavior that increases your energy level.

As soon as you feel you’re in a conflict with your partner­­­­— boss, child, parent or whoever, do something to get yourself together and raise your energy. Don’t say anything until your energy-level is again high enough to be able to send energy to the other one. By sending energy, you are sure not to steal energy from the other one. This is an act of love. When you are not able to get your energy level any higher go somewhere else or do something and wait until your vibrations are high enough to meet the other one again.

The important thing in a relationship is not to make the other happy or to expect the other one to make you happy, but to make yourself happy and offer this happiness as a gift to the other!

Loving another human being is giving him energy!

See the difference? Do you want to love your loved ones or steal their energy?


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